Stunt Boyfriend

Amy is my stunt boyfriend - she is always there to hang out with me when the boyfriend can't. I didn't come up with this term, she and Kerida decided upon it, and I just go with it cause they could beat me up easily if I get too sassy.

One day while driving with Amy, I had my iPod set to play some David Bowie because I was in that kind of mood. After a song and a half, Amy says "I don't really like Davie Bowie, can I switch it?" I figured that it's a shame she's not into Bowie, but I figure we all have our likes and dislikes. She then proceeded to pick tracks by the Beatles, ALL OF WHICH SOUND LIKE BOWIE*. This strikes me as odd. "Amy," said I, "this sounds just like Bowie. Why do you like this and not Bowie?" We then proceeded to have a short pointless argument, which has yet to be resolved.

Cut to today, driving again: Young Americans came on the radio. I blasted it for a bit and sang along, and then lowered the volume again to tell the other passengers about Amy's Illogical Bowiephobia. You know that line in Young Americans, basically the best in the song: "Ain't there one damn song that can make me break down and cry?" I freaking love that line. So powerful. So of course, I had to turn the radio back to 11 and ask Amy at the top of my lungs: Ain't there?

She gave me the finger.

*The Beatles are the be all and end all of music. If I say this particular album sounds like Bowie, what I really mean is that the style and sound is similar to that of Mr. Bowie, and that the Beatles came first and made it possible for Bowie to be Bowie.

Why my boyfriend has the nicest friends

I try my hardest to be a good girlfriend , and not a batshit crazy girlfriend, but sometimes I wonder if I actually am the crazy girlfriend and people just act like crazy is normal. Frequently I will try to call my boyfriend and the call won't go through because his phone hates me and turns itself off when it knows I'm calling. This is frustrating because it happens at times when his phone wouldn't be off, like the middle of the freaking day. So I call back a few times to see if maybe the first time was a freak accident, and then I start to worry. I am a champion worrier and I start thinking that maybe the phone is off because the boyfriend was killed by an ax murderer who turns off his victim's phones. At this point, I decided to contact the boyfriend's friends, starting with the person most likely to be standing right next to him. But then I worry that by calling his friends looking for him, I will seem like a crazy stalker girlfriend, and the battle between "dead missing boyfriend" and "people will think you're insane" begins. Usually, dead and missing wins out, and I start calling or instant messaging his friends and roommates. The part that always surprises me is that they are all perfectly willing to help me locate him. If he is in the room, they get him for me. If they know where he is, they let me know so I can call someone with him there. If they don't answer their phone at first, they call me back to help me in my quest (Seriously, Jamie, that was awesome.) Every time this happens, I can't help but wonder if they are just nice people, or if my boyfriend has warned everyone: "Listen, guys, she gets really worked up when I don't answer my phone, so if she ever calls you to find out that I'm not dead, just roll with it."